


home for Christmas (if only in my dreams)

by anemicaxolotl



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, truly just self-indulgent Christmas nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28156425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemicaxolotl/pseuds/anemicaxolotl
Summary: Troy won’t be home for Christmas. Abed suspects the others are up to something.
Relationships: Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 30
Kudos: 125





	home for Christmas (if only in my dreams)

Jeff’s up to something.

Or, rather, Abed suspects someone else in the group is up to something, and Jeff is the one who got suckered into distracting Abed for the evening. There’s no other logical explanation for why Jeff had all but cornered Abed on their way out of the study room and offered him a ride home, only to drive in the opposite direction of his apartment.

It’s a classic surprise party setup, only it’s not Abed’s birthday and he can’t really think of anything he wants to be celebrating these days.

He waits patiently for an explanation, but Jeff merely keeps a steady stream of small talk going until he parks his car on a side street downtown. He motions Abed out of the car and then begins herding him up the street.

“Jeff, is this a kidnapping?”

“What are you – no, this isn’t a kidnapping. What, I can’t spend the evening with my good friend Abed?”

“You’ve been acting really shady. If this isn’t a kidnapping, why did you tell me you were taking me home and then bring me downtown?”

Jeff put his hands in his pockets. “Oh, I don’t know. You spend a lot of time with Annie in that apartment and I thought maybe you could use a guy’s night out. Maybe a few drinks?”

“Okay, now this sounds less like a kidnapping and more like a date. Are you trying to ask me on a date? Because we don’t really have the on-screen chemistry for that.”

“We don’t?” Jeff almost looks offended before shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter, it’s not a date! Jeez, is the thought of hanging out with me that unrealistic to you?”

“I’m just assuming you have better things to do on a Friday night than…whatever this weird kidnapping-date-scenario is.”

“Yeah? What about you, you have anything better to do tonight?”

“Anything better than watching you pretend to want to hang out with me, you mean?”

At the next sidewalk corner, Jeff grabs Abed’s arm and holds him back from crossing the street. He moves them out of the flow of foot traffic and looks him square in the eyes. “Abed, come on, it’s not like that. You know I like hanging out with you.”

“But this isn’t us hanging out. We’ve hung out before and it’s never been forced like this. This is – what, a distraction? You think I’m thinking about Troy and you want to get my mind off him?”

“Well, _are_ you thinking about Troy?” Jeff arches an eyebrow.

“Almost always, yes.”

Jeff sighs as he leads Abed across the street. “Yeah, see, that’s the thing. It’s not good to focus all your energy on negative thoughts all the time. Wallowing isn’t healthy.”

“I don’t feel like taking the time to point out exactly how ironic that is, coming from you, so just pretend that I gave you a scathing but accurate run-down of your own negative tendencies."

“Noted.”

“And I’m not wallowing. I’m getting out of bed, I’m going to class, I’m operating at at least 80% of the social capacity of Original Abed.”

Jeff stops walking again. He’s doing this thing where he’s tilting his head from one side to the other, like maybe he’s annoyed at what Abed’s saying. Or maybe he’s conflicted and can’t quite decide where his loyalties lie, with Abed or with the rest of the group and whatever they’re planning. Abed stares patiently until he makes his mind up.

“Alright, fine.” Jeff hunches his shoulders a little as he speaks. “We’re all a little worried about you right now – more than usual. It’s your first Christmas without Troy and we already know this is a…a touchy time of year for you to begin with.”

“So the others assigned you to babysit me tonight.”

“Not exactly. Can you keep a secret?”

Abed frowns, interest piqued. He nods.

Jeff sighs. “Annie had the idea of setting up a virtual movie night between you and Troy. You know, the two of you on a Skype call with _Die Hard_ playing at the same time on both of your laptops. Just a Troy-and-Abed movie night, like old times. It’s kind of hard to work it out with the time zone differences, but Annie was insistent on making it work.”

“Huh.” Abed drops his gaze to the sidewalk. “That’s…that’s very sweet of her. And...Troy is in on it?”

“ _Everyone_ is in on it, pal. Ideally, Troy should be somewhere right now where WiFi isn’t a problem. Shirley and Britta are helping Annie decorate your apartment to make it look like a winter wonderland and less like, uh, you know, a time capsule of when Troy left. And I’m the one in charge of keeping you away long enough for them to set everything up.”

“So this isn’t you kidnapping me to go see a psychiatrist, or forcing homosocial bonding?” Abed brightens a little before asking, “If this is all a surprise, why are you telling me this?”

Jeff gives him a long look. “Well, for one thing, you could already tell something was up, and I didn’t want you thinking what you said – that this was a pity hangout, or whatever. You know me better than that.”

The pair walked on, and Jeff didn’t stop again, but he did slow his steps down beside Abed, unable to look him in the eyes for a moment.

“The other part of it is…Annie put a lot of thought into this, and she’s really excited, but…it’s not the real thing. I know you’ve Skyped with Troy a little since he’s been gone, and it’s never the same as hanging out with him in person.” Jeff huffed, his breath a small cloud in front of his lips. “Annie’s big reveal is going to be a pixelated video chat over a crappy internet connection, and I guess I just wanted to give you a head’s up so you’re not disappointed.”

Abed can’t help staring at Jeff, who’s still not looking at him. He’s touched by Jeff’s efforts to look out for him, and by the thoughtfulness of Annie and the others. He’s surprised to find he’s having trouble speaking.

“Thanks, Jeff,” he finally gets out, and Jeff keeps his eyes on the sidewalk but eventually cracks a smile.

“Yeah, well. Cat’s out of the bag now.” He claps Abed on the shoulder. “Screw the drinks, let’s go grab some chicken fingers until I get the all-clear from Annie.” 

* * *

Abed feels a little bad about having doubted Jeff earlier in the night. They end up having a blast eating chicken fingers and French fries, marveling together over Annie’s organizational skills but laughing as they imagine the state she’s probably in, stringing up fairy lights and barking orders at Britta and Shirley.

“I’d pay good money to see that,” Jeff chuckles.

Abed smiles and nods. “I’m glad they stuck you with the job of babysitting me,” he says after a moment. “This is fun.”

“I _told_ you, it’s not babysitting,” Jeff says, rolling his eyes, but he grins too. “Think of it like _My Dinner with Andre,_ only much less depressing than the last time you tried that, and also much better because there’s chicken fingers.”

Before Abed can answer, Jeff’s phone buzzes. “Well, that’s our cue,” he says, glancing up at Abed. “You ready?”

For some reason, his heart is pounding, but he nods anyway and follows Jeff out of the shop.

The car ride home is silent. Part of Abed wishes Jeff hadn’t told him the secret – he loves a good surprise party trope, but in reality, he’s not entirely sure how to react when he’s in a room full of people yelling “Surprise!” at him. Of course, that’s not exactly what this is – more likely a room full of people pushing a laptop into his hands while Troy yells “Surprise!” through the screen. He’s still not entirely sure how to react in this situation, either, and he’s not sure if it’s better or worse that he has some warning.

Still – _Troy._ It’d been weeks since they’d been able to see each other over Skype, and although they occasionally messaged over Facebook and email, it wasn’t the same. He hadn’t been lying to Jeff when he said he was functioning at about 80% as a clone – walking, talking, acting more or less like Abed to anyone on the outside. But as soon as he saw Troy’s face in that pixelated box, everything went out the window. His careful composure, his practiced mannerisms all vanished the second Troy appeared on the screen and inevitably burst into tears.

Abed hadn’t actually cried onscreen yet, but he was never far behind Troy in those moments. Britta had thought he’d been kidding about his wild emotionality; if only she knew how he felt during those calls. How broken he was when it was time to hang up. How much he wanted to say to Troy, but kept quiet. Sometimes he wondered how his lungs didn’t collapse under the weight of so many impossible, unspeakable feelings kept hidden in his chest.

Outside the door to apartment 303, Abed takes a steadying breath before glancing at Jeff, who nods. Abed pushes the door open and actually stops in his tracks.

In a movie, the camera would get a close-up of Abed’s wonderstruck expression first – the way his jaw drops, the awe in his eyes as he turns his head slowly from one side to the other. Then, it would turn and pan over the apartment – the twinkling lights hung from every corner of the room, casting a soft glow from wall to wall; the small tree in the corner bedecked with orbs of all colors and gleaming silver tinsel; cut-out paper snowflakes framing the window where Annie’s menorah glows on the sill; and finally, the extra sheets hung from the ceilings (cozy flannel sheets, adorned with pictures of Santa or Frosty or the Grinch), sheltering the living room into a quiet blanket fort of its own.

On a coffee table in front of the TV sits a plate of Christmas cookies, filling the apartment with hints of vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg; a mug of cocoa sits beside it, and next to that is Abed’s laptop, already opened to the Skype app. When he sees it, his heart begins to pound again.

Something is playing softly in the background of the scene; Abed thinks it’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” the Judy Garland version from _Meet Me in St. Louis_.

Jeff had tried to warn him to keep his expectations low, but as his eyes scan the room, Abed can’t imagine a merrier scene, and he finds it difficult to swallow past the lump in his throat. He finally glances toward the kitchen, where Annie, Britta, and Shirley stand, smiling expectantly. Shirley’s clothes are dusted with powdered sugar, and there’s tinsel in Britta’s hair.

Abed blinks rapidly. “I–”

Annie cuts him off with a squeal. “Surprise!” She runs forward and wraps her arms around him. “Oh, I hope you like it! We knew this would be a hard Christmas for you, celebrating without Troy for the first time, so we wanted to do something special–”

“This was _all_ Annie’s hard work, believe me,” Britta insists, but she steps forward to join the hug, wrapping her arms around Abed’s shoulders and running a hand through his hair. Shirley wipes her eyes briskly before throwing her arms around him, too, and then beckoning Jeff closer.

“I don’t know what to say,” Abed whispers. His heart is still pounding in his ears, and he’s overwhelmed, but in the best kind of way, like he’s the Grinch and his heart has suddenly tripled in size just at the sight before him.

“Well, don’t say anything yet,” Shirley says, “this isn’t even the surprise.”

Annie gently takes Abed’s hand and leads him to his chair. On the TV, the _Die Hard_ DVD menu is looping quietly. She gestures to the laptop.

“Why don’t you give Troy a call?” she asks softly. “He’s waiting for you.”

Abed can’t bring himself to touch the laptop yet. “Annie, you don’t even celebrate Christmas. You did all of this just for me?”

Her eyes are sparkling. “Of course we did, Abed.”

She puts a hand on his arm and leans against him sweetly, and before he can stop himself, he pulls her close, his lips brushing the top of her head. “You’re the best,” he whispers as he lets her go, slightly embarrassed at himself.

Annie smiles even more brightly, if it’s possible, and then motions for everyone to stand closer. “We all just want to say hi to Troy for a second when he comes on screen,” she says, “and then we’re going to head out, okay? The apartment is yours.”

Abed frowns. “Don’t you all want to stay? I know none of you really get a chance to talk to Troy anymore these days…”

Jeff clears his throat. “I think you need this time with him more than the rest of us,” he says lightly, and Abed can feel himself flush, wondering if his feelings for Troy have always been this obvious to everyone. But in all honesty, he’s grateful for their understanding. He nods at Jeff, his throat strangely tight again, and then turns to the laptop to click on Troy’s name.

He answers almost immediately, as if he had been staring at the screen, waiting for the call. “Abed,” he says quietly, and Abed thinks he’s smiling, but he’s sitting in almost total darkness and it’s hard to see him.

He can’t help but frown a little as he speaks. “Hey Troy. Where are you? It’s really hard to see you.”

“Oh, sorry – lighting isn’t great here, hold on.” He moves slightly out of frame, as if he’s picked up his laptop and is carrying it with him as he walks. “Let me just – sorry, one second.”

Behind Abed, Jeff and Britta start elbowing each other for a better view of the laptop screen, and then start bickering loudly about whose elbows are in whose ribs and whose fault it is. Shirley starts muttering darkly at them and then quickly raises her voice when she gets jostled, too, all while Annie whines at them, “You _guys!_ Be quiet, Troy’s going to hear you all fighting!”

Abed can’t take his eyes off the screen, but it’s impossible to see Troy anymore. His friends’ bickering grows louder behind him, and Abed tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut that tells him despite Annie’s best efforts, her perfectly executed plan, Abed still might not get to see Troy for Christmas.

He stares at his screen, searching for some glimpse of Troy through the darkness, and he’s so intent on his goal he nearly jumps when he feels a hand land lightly on his shoulder. He doesn’t even need to turn around to know whose hand it is, but he does anyway, because he doesn’t believe it. He stares.

“Hey,” Troy says softly, smiling, and it’s not Troy through a computer screen, or on a boat some hundreds of thousands of miles away; it’s Troy in apartment 303, with his hand on Abed’s shoulder, smiling at him, and he’s _right here,_ and it’s for real.

Abed can’t move. He can’t breathe. He wants to turn to the others, stare at them in shock, ask what’s going on, but moving his eyes away from Troy’s for even a second is unfathomable.

As if he can read Abed’s mind, as if he knows what he’s thinking, Troy nods slowly – _Yeah, it’s me, I’m here_. Then in a single, unified burst of movement, Abed leaps from his seat and the two boys throw themselves at each other, Abed pressing his face to Troy’s neck and Troy hiding his against Abed’s chest. He can feel Troy sobbing before he hears it, and it takes him a minute to notice he’s crying, too.

“You’re here,” he whispers, and then for a minute he can’t speak at all.

When he finally pulls away, he sees his friends wiping their own tears, even Jeff, who speaks first. “We really had you going there, didn’t we?”

Troy laughs, and Abed feels lighter than air at the sound.

“I don’t understand,” he says finally. “You’re – you’re sailing around the world. You can’t be _here…”_

“Well, I have a pretty good lawyer,” Troy begins, winking at Jeff, who rolls his eyes. “And the conditions of Pierce’s will don’t explicitly forbid taking a few days off from the trip. Plus, LeVar is in charge of making sure I don’t cheat, and he ruled that it’s definitely not cheating to let me go home a few days for Christmas.”

Abed nods absently as Troy speaks, then snaps back to attention. “Wait, a few days?”

“I fly back on Tuesday,” Troy says softly. “But it’s better than nothing, right?”

Watching Troy’s hopeful eyes, Abed simply nods again, because everything is _so much_ and he can barely wrap his head around it all. He holds Troy’s face between his hands, delighting in the way Troy’s expression grows even softer at the touch, and breathes out gently. He hears the apartment door open quietly and knows the others are slipping out to give Troy and Abed some privacy.

“Let’s sit down,” Abed says, and they make their way to the couch as best they can while refusing to untangle themselves from each other. Troy moves his eyes off Abed long enough to take in Annie’s hard work, and Abed can’t say for sure, but he’s probably 98% positive he’s never seen anything more beautiful than the way Troy’s smile looks when illuminated by all those twinkling lights.

“This is so great. Annie’s awesome, man. I can’t believe she was able to get everything and set it up just like I pictured it…”

He glances back to Abed, who is staring at him, utterly bewildered. “Wait a minute,” he says quickly, grabbing Troy's arm. “I thought this whole thing was Annie’s idea. Did you plan all of this yourself? From a boat halfway around the world? For me?”

Troy’s grin turns shy, but he nods.

“Why?” Abed breathes, and something tells him he already knows the answer, but he wants to hear it out loud.

Luckily, Troy gives him exactly what he wants. “Because I love you, Abed,” he says softly, like it’s simple.

And maybe it is. Maybe every feeling Abed has spent years trying to force down isn’t as embarrassing or implausible as he had once believed.

Because here’s Troy, now, _here._ He came back from his trip just to see Abed, and he’s sitting next to him with his knee pressed against Abed’s, and the sleeve of his sweater soft under Abed’s hand, and his eyes are so bright and so scared, waiting for Abed to say something back.

“You mean as a friend?” he finally asks quietly, because he can’t misinterpret this moment, he needs total clarification. “Or–”

“Definitely ‘or’,” Troy murmurs. “So much ‘or.’ And maybe I should have realized it before I left to go sailing around the world, but…maybe I needed to be away from you to realize that’s the last thing I ever wanted. And to realize that all I really want is to be with you, always.” He bites his lip, his eyes suddenly serious as he adds, “If that’s what you want, too.”

Words fail him, so Abed does the only thing he can think of, which is to lean in slowly. Troy follows suit and, like a dream, he presses his lips carefully to Abed’s. The kiss is sweet and soft and completely, indescribably perfect. Troy pulls back after a moment, eyes wide, before leaning in again, this time reaching up to tangle his fingers into Abed’s hair.

Suddenly, the weight of all his unsaid feelings crumbles and dissipates, and Abed can breathe again, like all these months without Troy never even happened. He pulls back and brushes his thumb over Troy’s cheek.

“I love you too,” he says suddenly, realizing he hasn't said it back yet. “I think everyone here already knows that. But. I need you to know it, too. I love you.”

“I know,” Troy says, grinning, and Abed knows he's thinking of Han Solo just like he is, and it's just so _them,_ so perfectly Troy-and-Abed to turn a love confession into a _Star Wars_ reference, that it makes Abed's head spin.

“Remember last year, when I said you were getting really good at Christmas?”

Troy laughs quietly and nods, moving his free hand up to Abed’s shoulder.

“You really outdid yourself this year,” he finishes, pressing his forehead to Troy’s with a smile.

Troy hums happily, shifting forward to press soft kisses against Abed’s cheek before suddenly pulling back, eyes wide and panicked. “No!” he gasps. “I forgot to tell Annie to get mistletoe!”

“While I appreciate the sentiment,” Abed murmurs, pulling Troy in close, “I think we’re going to be okay without it.”

He’s right.

**Author's Note:**

> It’s *my* self-indulgent Christmas fic and I get to pick the terms & conditions of Pierce’s will. Also I have no idea what time of year it was when Troy left but I always assumed it was spring for some reason so…pretend Troy’s been gone for longer than a few weeks at this point lol. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! You can find me yelling into the void about Trobed on tumblr @ slutabed. And I hope everyone is having a happy holiday season if you're celebrating something, and if not, have a safe & restful December <3


End file.
